2-7-2010
Do you ever get in bed at the end of the day and take a sigh of relief exclaiming that you had a great day even though nothing particularly special happened to make the day “great”? That’s what I’m doing right now. Today was a great day. We had made plans to go to Kok Tubye which is a big hill from where you can see the entire city and atop this hill is a giant tv/radio tower that is like a little skyscraper that you can go up into and apparently get an even better view. Sounds like a blast, right? Well, we ended up having the girls over and just watching Lord of the Rings instead. I graded a few papers, went to the supermarket and did a load of laundry so it wasn’t a completely unproductive day, but it sure was quiet and relaxing. It’s nice to do “nothing” sometimes, even though we can never do nothing, you know what I mean. I got to talk with many special people today, including my parents, so it was a good day. It was also a good day because I got to watch some good ol’ American TV shows and catch up on The Office. It was a lazy day and even though I haven’t been working hard enough to deserve one of those, it was sure nice. It was nice to put the deep thoughts on hold, to shut up the worries and to just be entertained and enjoy some company.
Tomorrow we are not going to have any water from 9:00am until we get home from work. I was thinking, what exactly do we use water for? I wanted to be able to make some arrangements. As I thought about this question I realized that I use water for washing my hands, taking a shower, flushing the toilet, drinking, making tea and coffee to drink, cooking, washing dishes, and I could go on. The point is that without water, things are going to get dirty. If we go without water long enough, things will get very dirty, and if there was no other way to get water, we would die of thirst. Water cleanses. It cleanses the insides of our bodies and the outsides. It cleanses our dishes and our clothes. Without water things would just be gross. Imagine not being able to flush your toilet for a few days. Yuck. Jesus said He was the water of life. Jesus cleanses, inside and out. So go ahead, flush the toilet of your heart, get rid of that junk and just be clean. Take a shower in His grace and scrub in His forgiveness. There’s a lot to see in this world and a lot to do, but take a lazy day and enjoy your running water. Enjoy the living water that runs through your spiritual veins. Enjoy the fact that God is big enough to be personal.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Mysteriously Exposed
2-6-2010
I enjoyed church today. In the morning I got to talk with many friends and reconnect with people all across the globe. The technology we have these days is quite amazing. Veronica (one of the other SMs here) was sick today. Steven is just now getting over his sinus infectious cold thing and Emily came over for some soup and was groaning over a stomach ache. So it’s like 3 out of 4 SMs are sick. I will not get sick! Not here, not now.
On one of the first days of arriving in Almaty I burned my hand pretty bad on a cast iron pan. As I held it under cold water I prayed frantically that it wouldn’t blister and get all nasty because at that point I was sure that it would get infected and I’d be in the hospital. The panic of my mind took my thoughts on a wild adventure of all the horrifying things that would happen because of this burn. But, because of either the cold water or the prayers, or maybe a bit of both, the burn never blistered and never got bad. It just kind of turned into a scar. That was nearly 3 weeks ago now. Today, I woke up and got out of the shower and noticed that my burn from 3 weeks ago had begun to blister except I was able to pop it and peel the skin off to find it perfectly fine. But, I kept thinking why now? After I had forgotten about the burn and accepted the scar, it bubbled up (I’m sorry, I know that sounds gross). Crazy. I could go a many different directions with this illustration, but I’ll let you ponder it yourself today.
From the beginning of my “ministry” I have been quite enthused with getting a clearer picture of the character of God. I wrote and preached a whole series of sermons about getting a clear picture of the character of God, but I have realized that my view of God is still so narrow. At first, I was having a hard time with this, thinking that I was climbing a mountain with no peak, which is essentially what I’m doing. I’m not saying that I thought I had God figured out, because I’ve never been that naïve, I just am realizing as I grow and mature that God is really big, like really, really big. I can’t fit Him into my previous lists and bullet points. He’s bigger than my proof texts and opinions. Today, instead of feeling intimidated by this, I felt freed. I felt like worshipping God more today than I had in a very long time. I felt like worshipping God, not because He had done nice things for me (even though he has) but because He is. He is deep, profound, bottomless, inexplicable, unintelligible, unfathomable, incomprehensible, perplexing, and just a tiny bit exposed. Exposed in us and things surrounding us. Exposed in the majestic mountains South of my apartment, and in the splendor of Yosemite Valley. Exposed in the Arizona sunset and in the face of the ones you love. He is exposed in the longings of my heart, and in the missing pieces of my mind. He is so veiled and mysterious, yet exposed.
When I was young I felt “called” to the “ministry.” Most people, including my old self would say that this means I felt called to be a pastor, evangelist, or theologian of some sort. When you go on a mission like I am on you are not supposed to doubt your calling, you’re supposed to get reinforced. And if I posted on here that I am doubting my calling I would get several emails filled with worry and concern, so I would never do something like that, I would never talk about “doubting” my calling. But, let me say this: I am rethinking what it means to be “called.” What it means to “do ministry.” Because in some sense, every Christian is called to the ministry. Jesus commanded us to love each other and tell others about the love we have. When He commanded that, He wasn’t talking to a specific group of people, He was talking to all His followers. So are you a follower of Christ? If you are then that means that you have been, and are called to ministry in His service. So where does that leave me? What are my goals? What are my plans? What do I want God’s ministry through me to look like? These are all good questions that don’t have a static answer. I want to experience radical love and I want to impart radical love. I want to live and overcome, I want to be able to be wrong, and I want to hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
I enjoyed church today. In the morning I got to talk with many friends and reconnect with people all across the globe. The technology we have these days is quite amazing. Veronica (one of the other SMs here) was sick today. Steven is just now getting over his sinus infectious cold thing and Emily came over for some soup and was groaning over a stomach ache. So it’s like 3 out of 4 SMs are sick. I will not get sick! Not here, not now.
On one of the first days of arriving in Almaty I burned my hand pretty bad on a cast iron pan. As I held it under cold water I prayed frantically that it wouldn’t blister and get all nasty because at that point I was sure that it would get infected and I’d be in the hospital. The panic of my mind took my thoughts on a wild adventure of all the horrifying things that would happen because of this burn. But, because of either the cold water or the prayers, or maybe a bit of both, the burn never blistered and never got bad. It just kind of turned into a scar. That was nearly 3 weeks ago now. Today, I woke up and got out of the shower and noticed that my burn from 3 weeks ago had begun to blister except I was able to pop it and peel the skin off to find it perfectly fine. But, I kept thinking why now? After I had forgotten about the burn and accepted the scar, it bubbled up (I’m sorry, I know that sounds gross). Crazy. I could go a many different directions with this illustration, but I’ll let you ponder it yourself today.
From the beginning of my “ministry” I have been quite enthused with getting a clearer picture of the character of God. I wrote and preached a whole series of sermons about getting a clear picture of the character of God, but I have realized that my view of God is still so narrow. At first, I was having a hard time with this, thinking that I was climbing a mountain with no peak, which is essentially what I’m doing. I’m not saying that I thought I had God figured out, because I’ve never been that naïve, I just am realizing as I grow and mature that God is really big, like really, really big. I can’t fit Him into my previous lists and bullet points. He’s bigger than my proof texts and opinions. Today, instead of feeling intimidated by this, I felt freed. I felt like worshipping God more today than I had in a very long time. I felt like worshipping God, not because He had done nice things for me (even though he has) but because He is. He is deep, profound, bottomless, inexplicable, unintelligible, unfathomable, incomprehensible, perplexing, and just a tiny bit exposed. Exposed in us and things surrounding us. Exposed in the majestic mountains South of my apartment, and in the splendor of Yosemite Valley. Exposed in the Arizona sunset and in the face of the ones you love. He is exposed in the longings of my heart, and in the missing pieces of my mind. He is so veiled and mysterious, yet exposed.
When I was young I felt “called” to the “ministry.” Most people, including my old self would say that this means I felt called to be a pastor, evangelist, or theologian of some sort. When you go on a mission like I am on you are not supposed to doubt your calling, you’re supposed to get reinforced. And if I posted on here that I am doubting my calling I would get several emails filled with worry and concern, so I would never do something like that, I would never talk about “doubting” my calling. But, let me say this: I am rethinking what it means to be “called.” What it means to “do ministry.” Because in some sense, every Christian is called to the ministry. Jesus commanded us to love each other and tell others about the love we have. When He commanded that, He wasn’t talking to a specific group of people, He was talking to all His followers. So are you a follower of Christ? If you are then that means that you have been, and are called to ministry in His service. So where does that leave me? What are my goals? What are my plans? What do I want God’s ministry through me to look like? These are all good questions that don’t have a static answer. I want to experience radical love and I want to impart radical love. I want to live and overcome, I want to be able to be wrong, and I want to hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Friday, February 5, 2010
Playing Hide and Seek with the Man in the Mirror
2-5-10
It’s 7 degrees outside. Fahrenheit. That is far below freezing. The ground is caked with layers of clean, white powder. It seemed to snow for 2 days straight. I love it outside, everything is so beautiful, but it’s cold. I sat in my kitchen earlier today and watched as the flakes twirled to the ground. I kept trying to focus on one, but as soon as I could focus on it, it would land among the billions of other flakes that were already in heaps on the ground. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get my eyes to focus directly on one little snowflake for more than a second. Then I started to ponder a Being that could. A Being that could sit at this very table and look out that window and be able to focus on all of the falling snowflakes at the same time. That same Being while focusing on each individual flake could know its unique pattern and see exactly where it will land, and exactly where it has come from. Even if I had a million eyes, I couldn’t do that. I don’t have the brain power to focus on millions of objects at a time, and a Being that would have that kind of power would be rather frightening. I started thinking about God and just how big He is. I started thinking about all the power He has. Western culture has done well at turning God into a giant, fluffy teddy bear and if you pull the string attached to his back back and perform the right rituals at the right time, blessings are dispensed out of his mouth like Pez. The God I know in my head and heart is not a teddy bear. Sure, He is loving and good in every sense of the word, but He’s big, He’s powerful and if He breathes on you the wrong way you might be catapulted across the galaxy. I’m amazed at how the world got so narrow-minded about such a wide and wonderful Being.
Friday club went well today, I also got some more clothes washed. I woke up late. I like waking up late sometimes, I mean why not? Who’s to tell me I can’t? I finish everything that needs to be done and I like having my time at night. Some people seem to think that good, godly, successful people go to bed at a decent hour and wake up early. In that sense, I guess I’m not good, or godly, and I never really thought my chances at worldly success were very good.
Most people don’t understand me, and I don’t blame them because I haven’t got to the point where I really understand me either. If you ask me who I am, I have a few bullet points memorized, but they mostly just sound good. I don’t know who I am and I am okay with that for now. I am 19 years old. I don’t have to know exactly who I am and I think I’ve come to the realization that teenagers don’t really search for who they are like they say they do, they rather search for who they want to be. With all these choices we have today, it’s not an easy question to answer. I was hoping to solve this problem while I am on this great adventure, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that all I’m doing is getting more unanswered questions and finding out more about myself that I don’t know how to explain. I think most “young people” go through what I’m going through and have similar thoughts, but some get the lucky pass. They either get the lucky pass or they just never really enter reality, I’m not sure which one it is yet. Many things are happening in my world and I find new things to worry about and new things to think about every day. I admire the complexity of my existence, but at the same time I grieve over the complexity of this world. I realize all of this is getting very deep and a bit blurry, but I am a bit troubled tonight. I don’t understand many things, many people for that matter, but I at least try to be sensitive to what’s around me. I was hit today with a giant blow of insensitivity and rather than stinging, it just made me mad. So I sit here tonight in a less-than-enthusiastic mood feeling quite solemn and trying to regain my optimistic composure. I encourage you all to be sensitive and I long to see the time and place where everyone (including myself) follows the Golden Rule.
It’s 7 degrees outside. Fahrenheit. That is far below freezing. The ground is caked with layers of clean, white powder. It seemed to snow for 2 days straight. I love it outside, everything is so beautiful, but it’s cold. I sat in my kitchen earlier today and watched as the flakes twirled to the ground. I kept trying to focus on one, but as soon as I could focus on it, it would land among the billions of other flakes that were already in heaps on the ground. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get my eyes to focus directly on one little snowflake for more than a second. Then I started to ponder a Being that could. A Being that could sit at this very table and look out that window and be able to focus on all of the falling snowflakes at the same time. That same Being while focusing on each individual flake could know its unique pattern and see exactly where it will land, and exactly where it has come from. Even if I had a million eyes, I couldn’t do that. I don’t have the brain power to focus on millions of objects at a time, and a Being that would have that kind of power would be rather frightening. I started thinking about God and just how big He is. I started thinking about all the power He has. Western culture has done well at turning God into a giant, fluffy teddy bear and if you pull the string attached to his back back and perform the right rituals at the right time, blessings are dispensed out of his mouth like Pez. The God I know in my head and heart is not a teddy bear. Sure, He is loving and good in every sense of the word, but He’s big, He’s powerful and if He breathes on you the wrong way you might be catapulted across the galaxy. I’m amazed at how the world got so narrow-minded about such a wide and wonderful Being.
Friday club went well today, I also got some more clothes washed. I woke up late. I like waking up late sometimes, I mean why not? Who’s to tell me I can’t? I finish everything that needs to be done and I like having my time at night. Some people seem to think that good, godly, successful people go to bed at a decent hour and wake up early. In that sense, I guess I’m not good, or godly, and I never really thought my chances at worldly success were very good.
Most people don’t understand me, and I don’t blame them because I haven’t got to the point where I really understand me either. If you ask me who I am, I have a few bullet points memorized, but they mostly just sound good. I don’t know who I am and I am okay with that for now. I am 19 years old. I don’t have to know exactly who I am and I think I’ve come to the realization that teenagers don’t really search for who they are like they say they do, they rather search for who they want to be. With all these choices we have today, it’s not an easy question to answer. I was hoping to solve this problem while I am on this great adventure, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that all I’m doing is getting more unanswered questions and finding out more about myself that I don’t know how to explain. I think most “young people” go through what I’m going through and have similar thoughts, but some get the lucky pass. They either get the lucky pass or they just never really enter reality, I’m not sure which one it is yet. Many things are happening in my world and I find new things to worry about and new things to think about every day. I admire the complexity of my existence, but at the same time I grieve over the complexity of this world. I realize all of this is getting very deep and a bit blurry, but I am a bit troubled tonight. I don’t understand many things, many people for that matter, but I at least try to be sensitive to what’s around me. I was hit today with a giant blow of insensitivity and rather than stinging, it just made me mad. So I sit here tonight in a less-than-enthusiastic mood feeling quite solemn and trying to regain my optimistic composure. I encourage you all to be sensitive and I long to see the time and place where everyone (including myself) follows the Golden Rule.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Yearning for Euphoric Scars
2-4-2010
I woke up late today, and as I staggered to the kitchen for some MacCoffee I noticed the dazzling blanket of white snow that covered the neighboring Soviet flats and the twisty branches of the trees outside our window. Yesterday was quite warm and all the ice was melting. One of my students told me an Almaty proverb that goes something like this: The weather in Almaty changes as fast as a woman changes her mind. I got a good chuckle out of it because it is oh so true. However, regardless of weather, exam week is done. I have a stack of papers that are waiting for my red pen of correction. That’ll take up a good 2 hours of my weekend, but I’m glad the tests are made and have been administered. I really don’t want to have to fail people. That will make me sad because I view my classes as a group and if one or two have to stay behind then I will feel as though I am abandoning them. Plus, once they fail they often get so discouraged that they drop out of the program all together.
On a happier note, my clothes are currently in the washing machine and it seems to be working. The stupid thing is just so doggone confusing and the instruction manual is all in Russian. On another happy note, we got paid this week. Not like our actual stipend, but our lunch money. I am currently living off less than $13 a week. Impressed? You should be. I think one thing I need to work on while I am here is my squandering. I have this thing where I love to spend money. I don’t even care what I spend it on I just like to see it go. Something about paper and numbers seem worthless to me. I like to have something tangible. I have issues.
So I started thinking about what my life will be like when I return to the States today. I was thinking what kind of person I will be and then my mind got off on several tangents until I came to the full realization of my life here. I have settled in. From the beginning my mind new this was going to be semi-permanent (6 months) so my brain went into auto-accustom mode. I like it here. Not enough to stay here for the rest of my days, but I like the situation I’m in. It’s a bit hard to explain. I got frustrated today. I decided that the English language doesn’t have enough words. Sometimes I want to explain things and all the words that are common enough for people not to think you’re a complete loon are just not forming what I want to say. Other languages are highly inflected and it seems as if you could describe things better, but I don’t know. I like language, I like that I’m a language teacher. I like Arizona. I like the mountains, and I like coffee. I like that we have the ability to like things and to dislike other things. Words are how you organize your thoughts and how you communicate. They are the bricks of relationships mortared in by actions. It’s a strange thought to think that there are not enough words to go around.
I was reminded in the middle of the night last night that life is filled with jovial moments of proclamations of good news. But, many people tend to overlook these moments because for some reason the bad news tends to stick out in our mind in a more lucid manner. We all love happiness and joy, but they seem to be so transient while pain and gloom leave scars that we’ll never forget. I don’t know why this is. Why don’t we have euphoric scars marking our overly blissful moments? This doesn’t seem like something that is our fault, it just seems to be how things work. God created this world perfect, but He went through a pain that will never be forgotten to restore perfection. The gospel can really turn me inside out sometimes. I guess it’s like the cliché metaphor of crawling in the valley before knowing the true beauty of the mountain. In order to have lasting happiness, we have to experience unhappiness. I don’t understand all of this, but I do know one thing, I want euphoric scars. So when the bad times roll around and cut me deep I can show them my other, bigger scars that have been engraved by euphoria. I don’t want to live in the middle, monotonous stage where nothing ever really happens; I want to get to extreme joy even if it means I have to travel to extreme misery. Am I sure I want to be saying this? I think am, but I got a feeling I will be kicking myself when that misery kicks in. I know one thing, God is good, and one day I am actually going to be able to understand this goodness. One day the ambiguity of this whole situation will be shaken. For now, I’ll just keep smiling and keep living my story.
I woke up late today, and as I staggered to the kitchen for some MacCoffee I noticed the dazzling blanket of white snow that covered the neighboring Soviet flats and the twisty branches of the trees outside our window. Yesterday was quite warm and all the ice was melting. One of my students told me an Almaty proverb that goes something like this: The weather in Almaty changes as fast as a woman changes her mind. I got a good chuckle out of it because it is oh so true. However, regardless of weather, exam week is done. I have a stack of papers that are waiting for my red pen of correction. That’ll take up a good 2 hours of my weekend, but I’m glad the tests are made and have been administered. I really don’t want to have to fail people. That will make me sad because I view my classes as a group and if one or two have to stay behind then I will feel as though I am abandoning them. Plus, once they fail they often get so discouraged that they drop out of the program all together.
On a happier note, my clothes are currently in the washing machine and it seems to be working. The stupid thing is just so doggone confusing and the instruction manual is all in Russian. On another happy note, we got paid this week. Not like our actual stipend, but our lunch money. I am currently living off less than $13 a week. Impressed? You should be. I think one thing I need to work on while I am here is my squandering. I have this thing where I love to spend money. I don’t even care what I spend it on I just like to see it go. Something about paper and numbers seem worthless to me. I like to have something tangible. I have issues.
So I started thinking about what my life will be like when I return to the States today. I was thinking what kind of person I will be and then my mind got off on several tangents until I came to the full realization of my life here. I have settled in. From the beginning my mind new this was going to be semi-permanent (6 months) so my brain went into auto-accustom mode. I like it here. Not enough to stay here for the rest of my days, but I like the situation I’m in. It’s a bit hard to explain. I got frustrated today. I decided that the English language doesn’t have enough words. Sometimes I want to explain things and all the words that are common enough for people not to think you’re a complete loon are just not forming what I want to say. Other languages are highly inflected and it seems as if you could describe things better, but I don’t know. I like language, I like that I’m a language teacher. I like Arizona. I like the mountains, and I like coffee. I like that we have the ability to like things and to dislike other things. Words are how you organize your thoughts and how you communicate. They are the bricks of relationships mortared in by actions. It’s a strange thought to think that there are not enough words to go around.
I was reminded in the middle of the night last night that life is filled with jovial moments of proclamations of good news. But, many people tend to overlook these moments because for some reason the bad news tends to stick out in our mind in a more lucid manner. We all love happiness and joy, but they seem to be so transient while pain and gloom leave scars that we’ll never forget. I don’t know why this is. Why don’t we have euphoric scars marking our overly blissful moments? This doesn’t seem like something that is our fault, it just seems to be how things work. God created this world perfect, but He went through a pain that will never be forgotten to restore perfection. The gospel can really turn me inside out sometimes. I guess it’s like the cliché metaphor of crawling in the valley before knowing the true beauty of the mountain. In order to have lasting happiness, we have to experience unhappiness. I don’t understand all of this, but I do know one thing, I want euphoric scars. So when the bad times roll around and cut me deep I can show them my other, bigger scars that have been engraved by euphoria. I don’t want to live in the middle, monotonous stage where nothing ever really happens; I want to get to extreme joy even if it means I have to travel to extreme misery. Am I sure I want to be saying this? I think am, but I got a feeling I will be kicking myself when that misery kicks in. I know one thing, God is good, and one day I am actually going to be able to understand this goodness. One day the ambiguity of this whole situation will be shaken. For now, I’ll just keep smiling and keep living my story.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Lost Tenge
2-3-2010
I found cornflakes at a local supermarket. They’re kind of expensive. Well, they’re not really expensive, but they cost more than other foods. Anyways, I’m addicted. Not just to the plain taste, but to the simplicity and the convenience. I just got home from a long day at work and I don’t know what could be better than a bowl of cornflakes and cup of steaming green tea. Can you think of anything? Didn’t think so. Cold cereal is something of a commodity anywhere you go outside the US. It is often a foreign concept to the indigenous people. When I went to the Dominican Republic I remember them having corn flakes, but they served it with warm milk. Something about that just doesn’t feed my appetite. Most of the time what local people call “cereal” is oatmeal and I am so sick of oatmeal. There is but one problem with cornflakes. I can eat 12 bowls and it feels as though the crispy little flakes evaporate in my esophagus taunting my hunger and making it impossible for me to feel full. But, enough about cornflakes. This week is exam week. I mentioned that earlier. I wrote two exams today and spent 2 ninety minute periods answering questions and grading papers. I have a mountain of papers to grade. Certainly grading is the fallout of all educators. I have yet to meet a teacher that will tell me he or she loves to grade papers. It is tedious, but I do get to see the minor improvements that my students make and that makes me happy. For those of you who don’t know I teach at an English language center. This means anyone can come to the center to learn English. I don’t teach at a typical school. My students are from ages 10-60. I also get to play with a group of 3 kids on Mondays and Thursdays. Starting tomorrow I am also going to be having this private tutee that will come in on Mondays and Thursdays as well. This means I have to go to the center earlier and don’t have all my “relaxation” time. Life is rough here in the ol’ Republic of Kazakhstan.
Today was a long day. I set my alarm for 8 so I could shower and clean things up before Yelena got here at 9. My alarm was playing Fur Elise and instead of hopping out of bed I let it play and enjoyed the nice tune as I quickly drifted back to sleep. I woke to the buzzer. She was at our door and I was not even dressed. I sometimes amaze myself at my ability to rapidly throw things together. People think I move slowly because I am always late, but in reality I am always moving quickly, the reason I am late is because I get distracted easily. So I threw on some clothes and shoved the mess under my bed. I invited Yelena in and of course, had to make her some coffee. The repair guys came to fix our washing machine. Except not all was well. I once went with a friend to the Mac store so she could have this problem with her computer fixed. Of course, once we got there and she showed them the problem there was no problem. That is what happened today. The repair guys came and viola they couldn’t even fix the problem because a problem didn’t exist...until after they left! I hate the washing machine. Underneath my bed lies a sea of dirty clothes, but let’s keep that between you and me. After the laundry incident I went into Dutch mode and started to clean everything. After all, we were having guests and I have turned into my parents in the sense that I cannot have any mess laying out when guests are coming over. After cleaning I immediately started lunch. I decided to venture into the unknown and make a stir fry with some veggie meat that Steven’s mother so graciously snuck into his suitcase. I ended up throwing a bunch of junk into the pan and making it up as I went along, but it came out tasting quite delicious. We had fun hanging out with the girls as usual. It’s nice to be around people from your own culture and by culture I mean country and generation (age). We also use the time to complain and brag about our students. We show off our students’ abilities and chuckle at their innocent blunders, all in good fun of course. In the little bit of time I had between the guests leaving and classes, I wrote the exams!
I dropped a tenge today. Like a one tenge coin fell off my dresser and rolled under my bed. A tenge (remember it's pronounced ten-gay) is worth quite a bit less than a penny. When is the last time you saw somebody even bend down for a penny? Even the locals wonder why they make those shiny, nearly-worthless coins anymore. As I watched this coin sneakily roll under the bed I decided that it would not be worth the effort of crawling underneath the bed to get my un-prized possession, after all I have bills equaling 2000 tenge within arm’s reach. Then my mind started to wander (as it so often does) to Luke 15 and the parable of the lost coin. Jesus told this short parable in this manner:
“Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Some people take the 3 “lost” parables of Luke 15 and tell how Jesus went and saved something valuable like a silver coin, or a sheep, or a precious son. How we are so valuable and Jesus couldn’t help but save a bunch of beautiful people like us. But, I was thinking that the only reason we have any value is because Jesus says we have value, because Jesus’ love gives us value. If we step back and look at the cosmic situation from a culturally independent human standpoint I see it differently. That lost coin wasn’t very valuable. She had 9 others and it was only silver, no gold, and no diamonds. When this world fell into the pain and enticement of sin, Jesus watched a tenge roll under his bed. One tenge, seemingly worthless, and after all He had plenty more tenge within arm’s reach. Quite often, I feel like a tenge, a small, ordinary coin that has seemingly no value. Sometimes I wonder why they even make little coins like me anymore, but then I remember that my owner swept the house and looked in every nook and cranny until He found me. And the coolest part is when He found me, He was excited. So excited that He threw a party. Honestly, who throws a party over one tenge? But, that’s Jesus for you. This Guy is obsessive when it comes to love.
I found cornflakes at a local supermarket. They’re kind of expensive. Well, they’re not really expensive, but they cost more than other foods. Anyways, I’m addicted. Not just to the plain taste, but to the simplicity and the convenience. I just got home from a long day at work and I don’t know what could be better than a bowl of cornflakes and cup of steaming green tea. Can you think of anything? Didn’t think so. Cold cereal is something of a commodity anywhere you go outside the US. It is often a foreign concept to the indigenous people. When I went to the Dominican Republic I remember them having corn flakes, but they served it with warm milk. Something about that just doesn’t feed my appetite. Most of the time what local people call “cereal” is oatmeal and I am so sick of oatmeal. There is but one problem with cornflakes. I can eat 12 bowls and it feels as though the crispy little flakes evaporate in my esophagus taunting my hunger and making it impossible for me to feel full. But, enough about cornflakes. This week is exam week. I mentioned that earlier. I wrote two exams today and spent 2 ninety minute periods answering questions and grading papers. I have a mountain of papers to grade. Certainly grading is the fallout of all educators. I have yet to meet a teacher that will tell me he or she loves to grade papers. It is tedious, but I do get to see the minor improvements that my students make and that makes me happy. For those of you who don’t know I teach at an English language center. This means anyone can come to the center to learn English. I don’t teach at a typical school. My students are from ages 10-60. I also get to play with a group of 3 kids on Mondays and Thursdays. Starting tomorrow I am also going to be having this private tutee that will come in on Mondays and Thursdays as well. This means I have to go to the center earlier and don’t have all my “relaxation” time. Life is rough here in the ol’ Republic of Kazakhstan.
Today was a long day. I set my alarm for 8 so I could shower and clean things up before Yelena got here at 9. My alarm was playing Fur Elise and instead of hopping out of bed I let it play and enjoyed the nice tune as I quickly drifted back to sleep. I woke to the buzzer. She was at our door and I was not even dressed. I sometimes amaze myself at my ability to rapidly throw things together. People think I move slowly because I am always late, but in reality I am always moving quickly, the reason I am late is because I get distracted easily. So I threw on some clothes and shoved the mess under my bed. I invited Yelena in and of course, had to make her some coffee. The repair guys came to fix our washing machine. Except not all was well. I once went with a friend to the Mac store so she could have this problem with her computer fixed. Of course, once we got there and she showed them the problem there was no problem. That is what happened today. The repair guys came and viola they couldn’t even fix the problem because a problem didn’t exist...until after they left! I hate the washing machine. Underneath my bed lies a sea of dirty clothes, but let’s keep that between you and me. After the laundry incident I went into Dutch mode and started to clean everything. After all, we were having guests and I have turned into my parents in the sense that I cannot have any mess laying out when guests are coming over. After cleaning I immediately started lunch. I decided to venture into the unknown and make a stir fry with some veggie meat that Steven’s mother so graciously snuck into his suitcase. I ended up throwing a bunch of junk into the pan and making it up as I went along, but it came out tasting quite delicious. We had fun hanging out with the girls as usual. It’s nice to be around people from your own culture and by culture I mean country and generation (age). We also use the time to complain and brag about our students. We show off our students’ abilities and chuckle at their innocent blunders, all in good fun of course. In the little bit of time I had between the guests leaving and classes, I wrote the exams!
I dropped a tenge today. Like a one tenge coin fell off my dresser and rolled under my bed. A tenge (remember it's pronounced ten-gay) is worth quite a bit less than a penny. When is the last time you saw somebody even bend down for a penny? Even the locals wonder why they make those shiny, nearly-worthless coins anymore. As I watched this coin sneakily roll under the bed I decided that it would not be worth the effort of crawling underneath the bed to get my un-prized possession, after all I have bills equaling 2000 tenge within arm’s reach. Then my mind started to wander (as it so often does) to Luke 15 and the parable of the lost coin. Jesus told this short parable in this manner:
“Suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Some people take the 3 “lost” parables of Luke 15 and tell how Jesus went and saved something valuable like a silver coin, or a sheep, or a precious son. How we are so valuable and Jesus couldn’t help but save a bunch of beautiful people like us. But, I was thinking that the only reason we have any value is because Jesus says we have value, because Jesus’ love gives us value. If we step back and look at the cosmic situation from a culturally independent human standpoint I see it differently. That lost coin wasn’t very valuable. She had 9 others and it was only silver, no gold, and no diamonds. When this world fell into the pain and enticement of sin, Jesus watched a tenge roll under his bed. One tenge, seemingly worthless, and after all He had plenty more tenge within arm’s reach. Quite often, I feel like a tenge, a small, ordinary coin that has seemingly no value. Sometimes I wonder why they even make little coins like me anymore, but then I remember that my owner swept the house and looked in every nook and cranny until He found me. And the coolest part is when He found me, He was excited. So excited that He threw a party. Honestly, who throws a party over one tenge? But, that’s Jesus for you. This Guy is obsessive when it comes to love.
Man Shall Not Live By Bread Alone
2-2-2010
For all of those who have been faithfully following my blog, you know that today my greatest desire was to sleep in. My desires were given to me and I slept like a baby until 11:00. But, now I am staying up way too late again and tomorrow I will actually have to wake up early so that we can attempt to have our laundry machine fixed for the 3rd time and have the girls over for lunch. Yelena will call and I will have to wake up. It’s tragic, but I guess real life requires an alarm clock.
So by the time I post this you should see pictures! The reason I am staying up so late is so that I can organize pictures and post them just for you. For this reason I will keep my post short today. (If you haven’t noticed yet, short is a relative term for me). Look on the sidebar and hopefully you will see a nice slide show of pictures!
Jesus once uttered a phrase that went something like this, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” He said this in response to a temptation from the devil. If these blogs aren’t long enough for you and you want to watch some sermons then knock yourself out (Idiom!) (http://consuminglove.org/media.html). I preached a sermon on the temptations of Jesus once. I thought I would advertise it. Anyways, I mentioned this phrase because Steven and I went back to the glorious supermarket I told you about earlier. We went for a few things, but mainly for the baguettes! As we arrived and rushed to the bakery section we found ourselves highly disappointed at the absence of any fresh, cheap baguettes. So we lousily moped around the store picking up other items when suddenly it hit me, that heavenly smell of something warm and delicious being pulled from a hot oven. So we went back to the bakery and sure enough, baguettes! Steven and I decided we’d better stock up, so we bought 9 of them plus some regular bread and some amazing looking cheese bread. Mind you that these baguettes are 19 tenge (pronounced ten-gay) each. Seeing that the exchange rate is currently 148:1 that is 13 cents. At those prices why wouldn’t you buy 9 baguettes? So we left the store feeling happy and accomplished. Steven and I discussed Jesus’ famous words and decided that if we read our Bibles it would be ok to just eat bread for awhile.
So by the time I post this you should see pictures! The reason I am staying up so late is so that I can organize pictures and post them just for you. For this reason I will keep my post short today. (If you haven’t noticed yet, short is a relative term for me). Look on the sidebar and hopefully you will see a nice slide show of pictures!
Jesus once uttered a phrase that went something like this, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” He said this in response to a temptation from the devil. If these blogs aren’t long enough for you and you want to watch some sermons then knock yourself out (Idiom!) (http://consuminglove.org/media.html). I preached a sermon on the temptations of Jesus once. I thought I would advertise it. Anyways, I mentioned this phrase because Steven and I went back to the glorious supermarket I told you about earlier. We went for a few things, but mainly for the baguettes! As we arrived and rushed to the bakery section we found ourselves highly disappointed at the absence of any fresh, cheap baguettes. So we lousily moped around the store picking up other items when suddenly it hit me, that heavenly smell of something warm and delicious being pulled from a hot oven. So we went back to the bakery and sure enough, baguettes! Steven and I decided we’d better stock up, so we bought 9 of them plus some regular bread and some amazing looking cheese bread. Mind you that these baguettes are 19 tenge (pronounced ten-gay) each. Seeing that the exchange rate is currently 148:1 that is 13 cents. At those prices why wouldn’t you buy 9 baguettes? So we left the store feeling happy and accomplished. Steven and I discussed Jesus’ famous words and decided that if we read our Bibles it would be ok to just eat bread for awhile.
Monday, February 1, 2010
The God Zone
2-1-2010
As I laid in bed last night after my hot shower and call to my family I reveled in the thought of sleeping in. Then I dreaded the thought of the likelihood of my boss calling and being aroused by the blaring telephone sometime around 9:00am. Unfortunately, my fears were brought to fruition and my dreams of sleeping in were shredded into pieces of exhaustion and grumpiness. Yelena called at around 9:15 and said she would be over at around 10. I didn’t actually get out of bed until she was at the door. I threw some clothes on and picked up the mess I had laying around within seconds. Yelena doesn’t like messes. Anyways, she came over because she was expecting to meet a guy who would fix our washing machine. Of course, she brought something to make lunch. Today it was pumpkin. We peeled it, shredded it and put in a pot with some rice and onions. It actually turned out to be quite delicious. After I had started some coffee the laundry machine guy called. He was having car trouble so now he’s not coming till Wednesday. The moral of the story is I got woken up early for no good reason. I was upset. I spent most of the day in a cranky mood and didn’t leave the apartment until it was time to go to work. We left around 4:30pm and barely got there in time. I despised the thought of going to work today. I was just too tired and this week I have to give the students exams. These are exams that will determine whether they move up a level or fail. I feel a lot of pressure because I have to write these tests (well more correctly edit previous tests) and I’ve only been with these students for 2 weeks. I don’t feel that it is fair for me to test them since I am not exactly sure where they should be. So I was miserable at the thought of going to work and I frustratingly took the steps toward the English center, made myself a cup of tea and hurriedly prepared for my classes during the half hour Steven was teaching discussion class (he took 5:00p and I took 7:00p; discussion is a class where you basically just talk to students so they can practice their English). Though I was in a bad mood, once I got in my classroom and in front of my students my torch was lit and my face shined. I was in my zone and I helped them prepare for exams and pretended like I was a real teacher who was qualified for the job. I, like normal days, left the center smiling and my cheerful mood was restored. After a hot cup of tea, some mystery muffins that I bought at the magazine (magazines are convenience stores), and good conversations with some friends back home, I am ready to call this a good day. It’s late, I’m still tired, but I hope tomorrow that the phone will stay silent and that my dreams will be allowed to come to a natural close. I’m hoping tomorrow will be full of rest and relaxation, but who am I kidding. I got exams to write and grocery shopping to do. Steven is feeling a little bit under the weather (Idiom!) and so I am trying to keep an eye on him (Idiom!) and make sure he stays alive while also making sure I don’t get sick.
I can't believe this month is over already! January 2010 will always be one of the most memorable months of my life. A month full of sad goodbyes, happy children, frightening first impressions, and adjusting to different a culture; I'm actually sad to see it go. I'm living a pretty good story and that makes my heart content.
Before I left, I preached a sermon about getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing God in new and different ways. People responded well to that sermon. My boss used to always say, "Going from the comfort zone to the God zone." I watched some video logs that I made when I first got here and all I could say in those logs after seeing my apartment and driving around the city was, “I can’t do this, getting out of your comfort zone is the most miserable thing in the world, I wanna go home...” but then in the video I said that the phrase that was running through my mind was, “Daddy’s got you, Daddy’s got you.” I was freaking out when I first arrived here, but now I feel good about my place here. There is this one woman at prayer meeting who always refers to God as “Daddy.” She is a wonderful Russian lady that I think truly understands the gospel. Any woman who prays to “Daddy” is a woman after my own heart. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning, but the phone rang anyways. I didn’t want to go to work today, but I took the steps anyways. You may not want to get out of your comfort zone and I don’t blame you because it is terrifying, it is downright miserable, but if Daddy is calling you to get out of your comfort zone then Daddy will be with you the whole time, and I tell you, do it anyways. Next thing you know you might find yourself in an old Soviet apartment, counting your blessings, and appreciating life so much more.
As I laid in bed last night after my hot shower and call to my family I reveled in the thought of sleeping in. Then I dreaded the thought of the likelihood of my boss calling and being aroused by the blaring telephone sometime around 9:00am. Unfortunately, my fears were brought to fruition and my dreams of sleeping in were shredded into pieces of exhaustion and grumpiness. Yelena called at around 9:15 and said she would be over at around 10. I didn’t actually get out of bed until she was at the door. I threw some clothes on and picked up the mess I had laying around within seconds. Yelena doesn’t like messes. Anyways, she came over because she was expecting to meet a guy who would fix our washing machine. Of course, she brought something to make lunch. Today it was pumpkin. We peeled it, shredded it and put in a pot with some rice and onions. It actually turned out to be quite delicious. After I had started some coffee the laundry machine guy called. He was having car trouble so now he’s not coming till Wednesday. The moral of the story is I got woken up early for no good reason. I was upset. I spent most of the day in a cranky mood and didn’t leave the apartment until it was time to go to work. We left around 4:30pm and barely got there in time. I despised the thought of going to work today. I was just too tired and this week I have to give the students exams. These are exams that will determine whether they move up a level or fail. I feel a lot of pressure because I have to write these tests (well more correctly edit previous tests) and I’ve only been with these students for 2 weeks. I don’t feel that it is fair for me to test them since I am not exactly sure where they should be. So I was miserable at the thought of going to work and I frustratingly took the steps toward the English center, made myself a cup of tea and hurriedly prepared for my classes during the half hour Steven was teaching discussion class (he took 5:00p and I took 7:00p; discussion is a class where you basically just talk to students so they can practice their English). Though I was in a bad mood, once I got in my classroom and in front of my students my torch was lit and my face shined. I was in my zone and I helped them prepare for exams and pretended like I was a real teacher who was qualified for the job. I, like normal days, left the center smiling and my cheerful mood was restored. After a hot cup of tea, some mystery muffins that I bought at the magazine (magazines are convenience stores), and good conversations with some friends back home, I am ready to call this a good day. It’s late, I’m still tired, but I hope tomorrow that the phone will stay silent and that my dreams will be allowed to come to a natural close. I’m hoping tomorrow will be full of rest and relaxation, but who am I kidding. I got exams to write and grocery shopping to do. Steven is feeling a little bit under the weather (Idiom!) and so I am trying to keep an eye on him (Idiom!) and make sure he stays alive while also making sure I don’t get sick.
I can't believe this month is over already! January 2010 will always be one of the most memorable months of my life. A month full of sad goodbyes, happy children, frightening first impressions, and adjusting to different a culture; I'm actually sad to see it go. I'm living a pretty good story and that makes my heart content.
Before I left, I preached a sermon about getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing God in new and different ways. People responded well to that sermon. My boss used to always say, "Going from the comfort zone to the God zone." I watched some video logs that I made when I first got here and all I could say in those logs after seeing my apartment and driving around the city was, “I can’t do this, getting out of your comfort zone is the most miserable thing in the world, I wanna go home...” but then in the video I said that the phrase that was running through my mind was, “Daddy’s got you, Daddy’s got you.” I was freaking out when I first arrived here, but now I feel good about my place here. There is this one woman at prayer meeting who always refers to God as “Daddy.” She is a wonderful Russian lady that I think truly understands the gospel. Any woman who prays to “Daddy” is a woman after my own heart. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning, but the phone rang anyways. I didn’t want to go to work today, but I took the steps anyways. You may not want to get out of your comfort zone and I don’t blame you because it is terrifying, it is downright miserable, but if Daddy is calling you to get out of your comfort zone then Daddy will be with you the whole time, and I tell you, do it anyways. Next thing you know you might find yourself in an old Soviet apartment, counting your blessings, and appreciating life so much more.
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