2-25-2010
Money. Finally got paid. We went to the bazaar today and we’re planning a spree at the supermarket tomorrow. We’ll finally be able to stock up on groceries and get more decent stuff. At the bazaar today I went to go get juice from a vendor that we have seen a couple times. As we walked up the big man recognized us and the lady began to laugh. “Sok?” (Juice) she asked. I laughed with her and said “Pajalousta” (Please). It is nice that I am starting to see familiar faces and become a regular. The people here are very friendly. I notice myself getting very comfortable with this country. My Russian is slowly (very slowly) getting better and I am even beginning to cross the street like the locals. Life is good.
My class today was a hoot. I tried to go through the lesson, but everyone was wound up, including me, and we just kept talking, and they kept teaching me Russian. Eventually I just busted out a jeopardy game in preparation for their midterm next week. That, with video class, was just too much fun. My private tutee canceled on me again, I hope he comes back.
Anyways, my thoughts are fairly quiet tonight. A rare occasion that I have learned to appreciate. Since I don’t believe in short blogs (hehe) I will leave you with something I wrote this morning. I was pondering Psalm 23 and decided to rewrite it in my own words, paraphrased it according to what it means to me, and expounded on what I believe to be the main points:
He said that He is my Shepherd.
That I don’t have to live in desire, because He is more than anything I could ever want.
He not only leads me to quiet, serene landscapes,
but He makes me lie down and take in His splendor.
His restoration swallows my soul and reminds me that I am His.
He leads me to goodness, to spread His love, because love like this should not be caged.
It should rage with more power than the greatest fire, it should rage, burn, and shine—all for Him.
I am not afraid. How could I be?
Perfect Love, which stands beside me, casts fear back to the shadows.
His strong arms, His power, His support hold me up and help me to stand in the midst of chaos.
He helps me to love my enemies, to be comfortable in their presence.
He lets us eat together, at a fine table, with the finest food.
He kisses my face and showers me with more good things than I can carry.
His grace sweeps me off my feet, and with His Spirit I dance in praise.
This mercy, this grace and goodness, this love, will never leave.
He will pursue me, like a man pursues the woman He loves.
He will chase me, as one chases after their beloved.
When I am old, dying on my deathbed, His grace will still cover me.
His love will still surround me.
And when my time here is up, when the suffering comes to a close, I will go to Him.
I will live with Him, in Him, and through Him for as long as existence exits.
So why do I resist His love? Why do I fail to embrace its power?
Why do I worry? Why do I let myself fall into a state of panic?
Why do I let this world hold me in chains? Why do I allow it to steal my peace?
Today is the day. I will know my Creator.
I will embrace the love of my Savior.
I will kneel before my King, stand before my Father, hug my Savior, and dance with His Spirit.
Today is the day.
I have fallen in love with the unseen, because the unseen first fell in love with me.
The world cannot stop this dance, it cannot stop this embrace, this reverent passion.
The world cannot stop love, because the weight of Love could crush this world with ease.
This world—although it sometimes presses hard upon our shoulders—is not heavy.
The love that is entrenched in my soul is heavy.
With this love, I will prevail.
Today is the day.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Looking Ahead with Darkened Eyes
2-24-2010
I am feeling odd. Normally, I sit down and do lay my fingers on the keys and let blog entries flow out, but tonight I am having a bit of trouble. I am in a mood where I actually feel like writing, but nothing will come. The vast sea of white, blank pages are haunting. Since I am at a loss, I suppose I should just start telling you about my day and the rest should come.
Today was quite good. I had to wake up early, which of course I am not a fan of, especially since everyone knows I didn’t get to bed until an extremely unreasonable hour (It’ll be a quandary readjusting to real life when I go back home, but luckily I don’t have to worry about that quite yet). Today was Wednesday and that means lunch at the girl’s place. Steven and I pranced through the city with ease today. We got on the right bus right away, found seats, didn’t get mashed in a corner by any babushkas, got off at the right stop without asking any intimidating Kazakh man, and got to the girls’ apartment without having to call for a reminder. I feel competent, and it’s a nice feeling to have.
Emily prepared some delicious soup with homemade noodles and Gina brought treats from her recent vacation from Thailand. Mangos! And they were delicious. After enjoying some time together, we headed to our separate centers and did our job. Teaching was pretty typical today, but by the time it was half over I felt uneasy and wanted to go home. It’s already almost time for final exams (next week). That means stress, for me and my students. One thing is for sure—I have an addiction to cookies. Today we got to work early and I was hungry so I went to a nearby shop and but some butter cookies that had some dry fruit (after all, I need something to go with my steaming cup of tea). That may not be bad, but then I came home and ate a third of a box of Oreos (after all, I need something to go with my steaming cup of hot chocolate)! (Thanks again cousin Bob!) And I know tomorrow morning will be filled with coffee, chocolates, and more cookies! I think it’s safe to say—I’m in love with cookies.
But, on a more serious note, I’ve been thinking about time—cursed time who waits for no man—who topples our dreams, dries up our success, and withers our bones—who makes men out of boys and graves out of men—who crumbles buildings and wears away all evidences of things good and things bad. (Sorry for the drama, it just spills out, I’ll move on) I have been thinking recently that I am going to turn 20 this year. My parents are climbing past a half a century, and my brothers are well into their second decade. Age is a frightful melody, but yet it holds no more weight than an ordinary number. I know that 20 is not old, not by any means, and I am thankful to have made it through my young adult years alive thus far. The thing about 20 is that it bears much to think about. In the first two decades of my life I have had so many experiences. Experiences that have changed me, shaped me, molded me, and refined me. I think of my spiritual journey, my romantic journey, my mental and emotional journey. I think of my childhood, my innocence, and my loss of innocence. 20 years is a big milestone. These first two decades bear my childhood, my maturing—they bear my entrance into one reality and my exit out of another. I say all of this, and think about all of this because of what lies ahead. The future is coming. If I live to see the next 20 years of my life, which I pray I will, and if my life follows a somewhat typical human course, this means that I am looking forward to a marriage, the birth/adoption of children, the entrance into a lifetime career, and other events/decisions of colossal proportions. I think that’s why everybody sort of goes crazy in their teenage/young adult years. We are going through great physical and mental growth and we look up only to see the next few years covered with millions of unconnected dots—filled with life-defining decisions, mile-high expectations, and uncertainty that leaves you dazed and dumbfounded. These are my thoughts about youth and my days. Solomon said to enjoy them, because soon they’ll be gone, and they will be vanity just like everything else under the sun (Ecclesiastes 12). So I am going to find someone I love, a career that I love, I am going to invest in the people and the things I love, and I am going to ultimately remember my Creator, Love in all its fullness, Love that defines reality, and I am going to live in this Love. For the moment, I will not worry about the great events that lie ahead, but will stand in awe and fear of the One who is so much greater than I.
I am feeling odd. Normally, I sit down and do lay my fingers on the keys and let blog entries flow out, but tonight I am having a bit of trouble. I am in a mood where I actually feel like writing, but nothing will come. The vast sea of white, blank pages are haunting. Since I am at a loss, I suppose I should just start telling you about my day and the rest should come.
Today was quite good. I had to wake up early, which of course I am not a fan of, especially since everyone knows I didn’t get to bed until an extremely unreasonable hour (It’ll be a quandary readjusting to real life when I go back home, but luckily I don’t have to worry about that quite yet). Today was Wednesday and that means lunch at the girl’s place. Steven and I pranced through the city with ease today. We got on the right bus right away, found seats, didn’t get mashed in a corner by any babushkas, got off at the right stop without asking any intimidating Kazakh man, and got to the girls’ apartment without having to call for a reminder. I feel competent, and it’s a nice feeling to have.
Emily prepared some delicious soup with homemade noodles and Gina brought treats from her recent vacation from Thailand. Mangos! And they were delicious. After enjoying some time together, we headed to our separate centers and did our job. Teaching was pretty typical today, but by the time it was half over I felt uneasy and wanted to go home. It’s already almost time for final exams (next week). That means stress, for me and my students. One thing is for sure—I have an addiction to cookies. Today we got to work early and I was hungry so I went to a nearby shop and but some butter cookies that had some dry fruit (after all, I need something to go with my steaming cup of tea). That may not be bad, but then I came home and ate a third of a box of Oreos (after all, I need something to go with my steaming cup of hot chocolate)! (Thanks again cousin Bob!) And I know tomorrow morning will be filled with coffee, chocolates, and more cookies! I think it’s safe to say—I’m in love with cookies.
But, on a more serious note, I’ve been thinking about time—cursed time who waits for no man—who topples our dreams, dries up our success, and withers our bones—who makes men out of boys and graves out of men—who crumbles buildings and wears away all evidences of things good and things bad. (Sorry for the drama, it just spills out, I’ll move on) I have been thinking recently that I am going to turn 20 this year. My parents are climbing past a half a century, and my brothers are well into their second decade. Age is a frightful melody, but yet it holds no more weight than an ordinary number. I know that 20 is not old, not by any means, and I am thankful to have made it through my young adult years alive thus far. The thing about 20 is that it bears much to think about. In the first two decades of my life I have had so many experiences. Experiences that have changed me, shaped me, molded me, and refined me. I think of my spiritual journey, my romantic journey, my mental and emotional journey. I think of my childhood, my innocence, and my loss of innocence. 20 years is a big milestone. These first two decades bear my childhood, my maturing—they bear my entrance into one reality and my exit out of another. I say all of this, and think about all of this because of what lies ahead. The future is coming. If I live to see the next 20 years of my life, which I pray I will, and if my life follows a somewhat typical human course, this means that I am looking forward to a marriage, the birth/adoption of children, the entrance into a lifetime career, and other events/decisions of colossal proportions. I think that’s why everybody sort of goes crazy in their teenage/young adult years. We are going through great physical and mental growth and we look up only to see the next few years covered with millions of unconnected dots—filled with life-defining decisions, mile-high expectations, and uncertainty that leaves you dazed and dumbfounded. These are my thoughts about youth and my days. Solomon said to enjoy them, because soon they’ll be gone, and they will be vanity just like everything else under the sun (Ecclesiastes 12). So I am going to find someone I love, a career that I love, I am going to invest in the people and the things I love, and I am going to ultimately remember my Creator, Love in all its fullness, Love that defines reality, and I am going to live in this Love. For the moment, I will not worry about the great events that lie ahead, but will stand in awe and fear of the One who is so much greater than I.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Struggling Against the Shutting Eyes
2-23-2010
I just finished writing the dialogue for our Friday Club. Basically I write what goes on in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe movie so that our students will have a better grasp and be able to really soak in the story as they read and watch the scene afterwards. Normally, Emily does this job and she does it well. I finally offered to do it, and while it proved to be kinda fun, it took a lot of time and a lot of words. So my writing juice is pretty well depleted and my head is spinning with words. Luckily, I don’t have much to say today.
I was tired from not getting enough sleep for a few nights in a row and then from sleeping on the girl’s floor. I didn’t get to bed until really late last night—or maybe I should say this morning—and so it caused me to wake up extremely late this morning—or should I say this afternoon. Anyways, the moral of the story is that today turned out to be a very short day. Steven had a tutee today, I didn’t, but I went to work early with him so that I could make a quiz and continue catching up. In my spare time, I crafted up a little jeopardy game for discussion. It turned out to be a hit. Yelena was giggling as she watched me create it and commented that she loved to watch my creativity at work. I have never really thought of myself as a creative person, so I thought it was funny. I am learning to embrace my God-given gifts, however silly they might be.
Alas, I must wake up early again tomorrow morning. The rooster (my cell phone) will crow in just 6 and a half hours. Wednesday can only mean one thing—lunch at the girl’s place. Talk has started up that I will be paid soon and able to stock up on some real groceries. God gives, sometimes, just because He can. That is the thought I leave you with tonight.
I just finished writing the dialogue for our Friday Club. Basically I write what goes on in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe movie so that our students will have a better grasp and be able to really soak in the story as they read and watch the scene afterwards. Normally, Emily does this job and she does it well. I finally offered to do it, and while it proved to be kinda fun, it took a lot of time and a lot of words. So my writing juice is pretty well depleted and my head is spinning with words. Luckily, I don’t have much to say today.
I was tired from not getting enough sleep for a few nights in a row and then from sleeping on the girl’s floor. I didn’t get to bed until really late last night—or maybe I should say this morning—and so it caused me to wake up extremely late this morning—or should I say this afternoon. Anyways, the moral of the story is that today turned out to be a very short day. Steven had a tutee today, I didn’t, but I went to work early with him so that I could make a quiz and continue catching up. In my spare time, I crafted up a little jeopardy game for discussion. It turned out to be a hit. Yelena was giggling as she watched me create it and commented that she loved to watch my creativity at work. I have never really thought of myself as a creative person, so I thought it was funny. I am learning to embrace my God-given gifts, however silly they might be.
Alas, I must wake up early again tomorrow morning. The rooster (my cell phone) will crow in just 6 and a half hours. Wednesday can only mean one thing—lunch at the girl’s place. Talk has started up that I will be paid soon and able to stock up on some real groceries. God gives, sometimes, just because He can. That is the thought I leave you with tonight.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Two Sticks, Some String, and a Giant Box of Excitement
2-22-2010 (Time is flying by!)
About 4 or 5 years ago, around Christmas time, my brother, cousin, and I went to our beautiful and wonderful grandmother (whom I love and adore very much) and asked to be shown instructions on the curious art of knitting. I remember because it was my freshman year of high school and I was a strange kid back then. I returned home and I taught all my friends how to knit and we turned it into a hobby for young men and carried our needles with pride. We once spent 5 hours in a Denny’s. We would have even stayed longer, but they finally politely asked us to leave. I mention this because my friend Emily is a big knitter and she has gotten me back into the game. I forgot how much I enjoy messing with yarn and thread. I never was a big knitter and I can’t even claim to be one now. But, since I have decided to take a break from planning I need something to keep me occupied. I guess it’s like I’m trying to stop smoking. Anyways I sat and bonded with my borrowed pair of needles for quite some time today. I forgot how to finish it off so I am left with one long knitted piece that I am going to use as a belt/necktie/headband. It will be amazing. Emily was talking about how trippy it is that we can sit down with string and two sticks and make all kinds of crazy stuff. She is really good, she throws out mittens and hats and patterned cloths—this girl is creative! I just knit row by row to keep my fingers busy and my mind working. It is as we call it—“meditation in motion.” I know I am feeling especially peaceful today. After all, it was a good day.
There was no blog entry yesterday because I never made it home. We went to the girl’s place in the early afternoon and enjoyed the day eating their food, drinking their tea, and talking about all the things student missionaries have to talk about. By the time we realized the time and got ready to leave it was too late. Steven and I walked to the bus stop, but I knew that we had walked in vain. No buses were going to come. Our options were to either take the girls up on their previous offer to let us stay the night or to take a taxi. Steven and I both hate taxis and we don’t really feel like spending that kind of money on a taxi when we are trying to stretch out our $12.00 lunch money. So it was that we went back to their flat and crashed on their floor (Steven actually got Emily’s “bed” which happens to be a fold out chair). Life is good. We got up early (at least early for me) this morning and set out for home. We were home by 11:00am and I felt like I had the whole day ahead of me, after all, that is about the time I usually get up. Luckily, my private tutee cancelled and I got a little more time to mess around and relax. Today I played catch-up at work. I made quizzes and administered them while I frantically graded their assignments from last week, then we all graded the quizzes together. I plan on doing the same thing with my other levels tomorrow. Maybe that’s cheating, but I take some pride in my genius time management.
I was thinking a lot about God today, a lot about Jesus. Then I thought a lot about life. My baby cousin (he’s two years older than me) reminded me today that one decision can cause a domino effect on your entire life and change your future income, living location and conditions, spouse, and virtually everything. It makes me want to step lightly. I think life is a lot like knitting. God began with virtually nothing, maybe some string and a couple sticks, but with His creative power made a huge and wondrous quilt of life that we call home. My dad is quite the guy. He can look at a pile of dirt and see a brilliant house standing proud on the barren soil, a skill that I have always envied and admired. The neat thing is that I have seen him look at dirt, describe the house he sees, and then actually turn the thought into a real, solid, sturdy home. He always told me that he could do things like this because he was created in God’s image. God creates, and we are made in His image with the ability to create. So as I am twisting this string I am not making anything as cool as a house or really anything cool at all. I am simply keeping my fingers busy, but the truth is a funky little creation comes out. So when I think about life I think it is a lot like knitting. Most of the time we feel like we are just keeping our fingers busy, trying to keep pushing through, feeling worthless much of the time, and like what we’re making is not that special. Perhaps we don’t even know why we’re doing it but we cannot put the string down; we are addicted to life. I think it might all be very fuzzy now, but one day we are going to put down our needles and see this massive quilt that we have produced. A quilt soaked with the tears of our sufferings, stained with the blood evidencing our pain, radiating with the colors of our joy, and the wrinkles of our thrills. I can’t wait to see my quilt when it’s done, but if I don’t keep knitting, there never will be a quilt. So although this life is kind of scary and my existence is quite complex, I am going to pick up the needles of life and start twisting the yarn of experience. I want to make it, and make it I will.
I described to you a part of my day, but now I have to take the time to describe to you the most exciting part of my week. I was about ready to get in the shower this afternoon not too long after getting back home and I hear the phone ring. Steven picks it up and asks me if I am expecting a package from Robert. I said yes and Yelena screams that she has this huge box waiting in her apartment. I was not dressed and already had the water flowing so Steven offered to go down the street for me and pick up this package. I couldn’t imagine it was that big so I took my shower in great anticipation, but trying not to get my hopes too high. When I got out of the shower sure enough there was a giant box sitting my living room. I enjoyed the intense excitement that flowed through my veins and let the rush take me. As I opened the package I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was so much stuff! I got 4 pounds of fresh Starbucks coffee along with unending cookies, candies, crackers, and everything else American you could dream of. So tonight I owe a very special thank-you to Bob Christianson! A man that I don’t know incredibly well, but a man with a heart so big that he wanted to reach out to a random kid like me that is stranded on the other side of the world. I know my friends and my roommate will also be ecstatic as I share all these wonderful treasures. It made my day, brightened up my week, and is something that I will never forget. Thanks Cousin Bob!!
About 4 or 5 years ago, around Christmas time, my brother, cousin, and I went to our beautiful and wonderful grandmother (whom I love and adore very much) and asked to be shown instructions on the curious art of knitting. I remember because it was my freshman year of high school and I was a strange kid back then. I returned home and I taught all my friends how to knit and we turned it into a hobby for young men and carried our needles with pride. We once spent 5 hours in a Denny’s. We would have even stayed longer, but they finally politely asked us to leave. I mention this because my friend Emily is a big knitter and she has gotten me back into the game. I forgot how much I enjoy messing with yarn and thread. I never was a big knitter and I can’t even claim to be one now. But, since I have decided to take a break from planning I need something to keep me occupied. I guess it’s like I’m trying to stop smoking. Anyways I sat and bonded with my borrowed pair of needles for quite some time today. I forgot how to finish it off so I am left with one long knitted piece that I am going to use as a belt/necktie/headband. It will be amazing. Emily was talking about how trippy it is that we can sit down with string and two sticks and make all kinds of crazy stuff. She is really good, she throws out mittens and hats and patterned cloths—this girl is creative! I just knit row by row to keep my fingers busy and my mind working. It is as we call it—“meditation in motion.” I know I am feeling especially peaceful today. After all, it was a good day.
There was no blog entry yesterday because I never made it home. We went to the girl’s place in the early afternoon and enjoyed the day eating their food, drinking their tea, and talking about all the things student missionaries have to talk about. By the time we realized the time and got ready to leave it was too late. Steven and I walked to the bus stop, but I knew that we had walked in vain. No buses were going to come. Our options were to either take the girls up on their previous offer to let us stay the night or to take a taxi. Steven and I both hate taxis and we don’t really feel like spending that kind of money on a taxi when we are trying to stretch out our $12.00 lunch money. So it was that we went back to their flat and crashed on their floor (Steven actually got Emily’s “bed” which happens to be a fold out chair). Life is good. We got up early (at least early for me) this morning and set out for home. We were home by 11:00am and I felt like I had the whole day ahead of me, after all, that is about the time I usually get up. Luckily, my private tutee cancelled and I got a little more time to mess around and relax. Today I played catch-up at work. I made quizzes and administered them while I frantically graded their assignments from last week, then we all graded the quizzes together. I plan on doing the same thing with my other levels tomorrow. Maybe that’s cheating, but I take some pride in my genius time management.
I was thinking a lot about God today, a lot about Jesus. Then I thought a lot about life. My baby cousin (he’s two years older than me) reminded me today that one decision can cause a domino effect on your entire life and change your future income, living location and conditions, spouse, and virtually everything. It makes me want to step lightly. I think life is a lot like knitting. God began with virtually nothing, maybe some string and a couple sticks, but with His creative power made a huge and wondrous quilt of life that we call home. My dad is quite the guy. He can look at a pile of dirt and see a brilliant house standing proud on the barren soil, a skill that I have always envied and admired. The neat thing is that I have seen him look at dirt, describe the house he sees, and then actually turn the thought into a real, solid, sturdy home. He always told me that he could do things like this because he was created in God’s image. God creates, and we are made in His image with the ability to create. So as I am twisting this string I am not making anything as cool as a house or really anything cool at all. I am simply keeping my fingers busy, but the truth is a funky little creation comes out. So when I think about life I think it is a lot like knitting. Most of the time we feel like we are just keeping our fingers busy, trying to keep pushing through, feeling worthless much of the time, and like what we’re making is not that special. Perhaps we don’t even know why we’re doing it but we cannot put the string down; we are addicted to life. I think it might all be very fuzzy now, but one day we are going to put down our needles and see this massive quilt that we have produced. A quilt soaked with the tears of our sufferings, stained with the blood evidencing our pain, radiating with the colors of our joy, and the wrinkles of our thrills. I can’t wait to see my quilt when it’s done, but if I don’t keep knitting, there never will be a quilt. So although this life is kind of scary and my existence is quite complex, I am going to pick up the needles of life and start twisting the yarn of experience. I want to make it, and make it I will.
I described to you a part of my day, but now I have to take the time to describe to you the most exciting part of my week. I was about ready to get in the shower this afternoon not too long after getting back home and I hear the phone ring. Steven picks it up and asks me if I am expecting a package from Robert. I said yes and Yelena screams that she has this huge box waiting in her apartment. I was not dressed and already had the water flowing so Steven offered to go down the street for me and pick up this package. I couldn’t imagine it was that big so I took my shower in great anticipation, but trying not to get my hopes too high. When I got out of the shower sure enough there was a giant box sitting my living room. I enjoyed the intense excitement that flowed through my veins and let the rush take me. As I opened the package I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was so much stuff! I got 4 pounds of fresh Starbucks coffee along with unending cookies, candies, crackers, and everything else American you could dream of. So tonight I owe a very special thank-you to Bob Christianson! A man that I don’t know incredibly well, but a man with a heart so big that he wanted to reach out to a random kid like me that is stranded on the other side of the world. I know my friends and my roommate will also be ecstatic as I share all these wonderful treasures. It made my day, brightened up my week, and is something that I will never forget. Thanks Cousin Bob!!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Religious Rants
2-20-2010
Today was a restful Sabbath. As I pried my eyes open to turn off my alarm and check the time I noticed the gloomy grey clouds that lingered in the sky and heard the drips of snow melt and/or rain. I find it incredibly difficult to get out of bed when the sun is hiding and no responsibilities are waiting. When I finally did manage to get my feet to the floor, I had a nice breakfast with some frosted flakes, banana bread, a ripe banana that had to be eaten, and of course, a cup of black tea. I ate, I read, and then I got ready for church. Church was a pleasant experience today. I really enjoyed it.
A former Student Missionary who has since chosen to stick around Almaty was the preacher today. He is a good guy and I have been privileged to spend some time with him. He preached a sermon that served as a breath of fresh air to my suffocated soul. He talked about religion, which in our culture and our day in age, has become something of a bad word. He used a text that I have come across a few times and have pondered in vain. James 1:27 says this: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” So often I think of religion as church. How about you? I think of religion as this thing that divides us into our certain belief systems marking us Christians, Buddhists, Atheists (they are probably shuttering at the thought of me calling them a religion), Muslims, or countless other labels. I think of the complex church structures and religious leaders, along with the passionate hand-raisers and conservative knee bowers. Lately I have been getting very tired of the rightness of religion and I just want to be able to be wrong. I’m not saying it’s good to be wrong or that I want to be wrong, I am saying that I want to be able to be wrong. I don’t have all the answers to God, neither do you and neither does your pastor. So why do we continue to pretend that we have it figured out? Why do we parade our ideas and put so much effort into proving that we are more right than other people?
Jesus was a good guy and I like to think of Him as my example although I am terrible at following this incredibly high standard. My friend who preached this morning said correctly that Christianity is the hardest religion one can pick because we choose to become disciples of Christ and this is not an easy task. A disciple of Christ is one who takes His love to the unlovable, acting in the same manner as Christ Himself. Have you done this lately? I haven’t. I may scold Christians for not living up to their name, but I scold myself with the masses. Believe me, I am no better than anyone who reads this blog and the problems I see with the church Christ founded are the problems that I see plaguing my very being.
Evangelism is held to a very high esteem in the Adventist church and to a certain extent, it should be. However, I’ve been thinking about evangelism and I’ve decided to be bold on this little blog because I don’t actually know who reads this stuff. Adventists often quote the great commission which is the incredible important last command of Christ. I speak mainly to the Adventists here because that is what I am most familiar with. Other denominations have their quirks, this I have seen and am sure of. Jesus declared: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” We, as followers of Christ, have a mission to “make disciples,” “baptize them,” and “teach them.” Adventists love to jump to the part about teaching everything Jesus has commanded and they sometimes get to baptize a good crowd, which then translates into church membership. I don’t know if I’ve seen much disciple making and I haven’t actually heard people really talk about this part of the Commission at all. What does it mean to be a disciple of Christ? Jesus said it plainly in John 13:35: “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” A couple chapters later Jesus talks about how much He loves us and then tells us how we should love others (John 15:12): “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” So not only are we to “love each other” but we are to love each other as Christ has loved us, and if you ask me I would say that that is a whole lot of love! Christ loved by getting intimate with people, by caring for their physical needs while communicating to their heart and carrying their burdens. Jesus not only loved, but He loved the people society and the church labeled unlovable. That is like us reaching out and loving a bunch of homosexuals and young women who have had abortions. I’m not saying we should hug them and tell them we love them and that everything is fine and dandy. I am saying that Jesus spent time with these people, He worked past the social barriers and the uncomfortable feelings and talked real with these kind of people. He didn’t throw stones or condemn. He knew that it would have done no good. I don’t know if I’ve ever really loved someone with the kind of love Jesus has loved me with and if I have I know that it has been a family member or a best friend, certainly not a mere acquaintance and certainly not a stranger.
Church is nice and I am glad we have it, but it has become the face of religion. I find something wrong with that. Our faith and our experiences with God measure our Spiritual connection. According to the Bible, religion is serving those that are in need of love and giving them a kind of love that penetrates the deepest void in their hearts’. Religion today has become mostly a show, with some good sermons and some nice music thrown in. Once in awhile I see some churches having outreach that happens twice a month, or if we’re lucky, once a week. Something is wrong brothers and sisters and fellow blog readers. The first step in the Great Commission, the primary aspect of evangelism is to make disciples. The only way we can make disciples is if we show people Christ’s love and the only way we can show that love is to witness it, taste it, and experience it. Prophecy is interesting, but it just scratches the surface. Evangelistic campaigns are nice, but our ‘teaching’ becomes more about proving our rightness. It is in serving, in loving the unlovable, in quenching the void in people’s hearts that true religion lays.
Jesus told us that we are His body—that we are His hands and feet—but He never said we were to be His mouth. Why then, is that our favorite part to play? What would happen if Christians started acting more as disciples than believers and more as lovers than teachers? I think Christ would be seen much clearer in this world and we would have a lot less nut-jobs running around. I want to see love spilling from the pores of those marked with the blood of Christ. I borrow the words of my good friend Paul in saying that I have not that I have attained all this brothers and sisters, but I press on, that I may lay hold of the love Christ has for me and share it with every living soul I come into contact with, that this world marked with suffering and darkness can see an illuminating spirit of love that has the power to brighten the hopes of all.
Burnie was right when He said that Christianity is the most difficult religion. I would pick an easier one, but I love this love that I am shown and I want to live in it and share it with the world however difficult this task may be. Burnie also said something else intriguing in his sermon this morning and I will leave you with this thought and retire my rants for the night:
When someone asks you, “What is your religion?” don’t respond with a word.
May the love of Christ consume your entire being for the days to come.
Today was a restful Sabbath. As I pried my eyes open to turn off my alarm and check the time I noticed the gloomy grey clouds that lingered in the sky and heard the drips of snow melt and/or rain. I find it incredibly difficult to get out of bed when the sun is hiding and no responsibilities are waiting. When I finally did manage to get my feet to the floor, I had a nice breakfast with some frosted flakes, banana bread, a ripe banana that had to be eaten, and of course, a cup of black tea. I ate, I read, and then I got ready for church. Church was a pleasant experience today. I really enjoyed it.
A former Student Missionary who has since chosen to stick around Almaty was the preacher today. He is a good guy and I have been privileged to spend some time with him. He preached a sermon that served as a breath of fresh air to my suffocated soul. He talked about religion, which in our culture and our day in age, has become something of a bad word. He used a text that I have come across a few times and have pondered in vain. James 1:27 says this: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” So often I think of religion as church. How about you? I think of religion as this thing that divides us into our certain belief systems marking us Christians, Buddhists, Atheists (they are probably shuttering at the thought of me calling them a religion), Muslims, or countless other labels. I think of the complex church structures and religious leaders, along with the passionate hand-raisers and conservative knee bowers. Lately I have been getting very tired of the rightness of religion and I just want to be able to be wrong. I’m not saying it’s good to be wrong or that I want to be wrong, I am saying that I want to be able to be wrong. I don’t have all the answers to God, neither do you and neither does your pastor. So why do we continue to pretend that we have it figured out? Why do we parade our ideas and put so much effort into proving that we are more right than other people?
Jesus was a good guy and I like to think of Him as my example although I am terrible at following this incredibly high standard. My friend who preached this morning said correctly that Christianity is the hardest religion one can pick because we choose to become disciples of Christ and this is not an easy task. A disciple of Christ is one who takes His love to the unlovable, acting in the same manner as Christ Himself. Have you done this lately? I haven’t. I may scold Christians for not living up to their name, but I scold myself with the masses. Believe me, I am no better than anyone who reads this blog and the problems I see with the church Christ founded are the problems that I see plaguing my very being.
Evangelism is held to a very high esteem in the Adventist church and to a certain extent, it should be. However, I’ve been thinking about evangelism and I’ve decided to be bold on this little blog because I don’t actually know who reads this stuff. Adventists often quote the great commission which is the incredible important last command of Christ. I speak mainly to the Adventists here because that is what I am most familiar with. Other denominations have their quirks, this I have seen and am sure of. Jesus declared: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” We, as followers of Christ, have a mission to “make disciples,” “baptize them,” and “teach them.” Adventists love to jump to the part about teaching everything Jesus has commanded and they sometimes get to baptize a good crowd, which then translates into church membership. I don’t know if I’ve seen much disciple making and I haven’t actually heard people really talk about this part of the Commission at all. What does it mean to be a disciple of Christ? Jesus said it plainly in John 13:35: “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” A couple chapters later Jesus talks about how much He loves us and then tells us how we should love others (John 15:12): “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” So not only are we to “love each other” but we are to love each other as Christ has loved us, and if you ask me I would say that that is a whole lot of love! Christ loved by getting intimate with people, by caring for their physical needs while communicating to their heart and carrying their burdens. Jesus not only loved, but He loved the people society and the church labeled unlovable. That is like us reaching out and loving a bunch of homosexuals and young women who have had abortions. I’m not saying we should hug them and tell them we love them and that everything is fine and dandy. I am saying that Jesus spent time with these people, He worked past the social barriers and the uncomfortable feelings and talked real with these kind of people. He didn’t throw stones or condemn. He knew that it would have done no good. I don’t know if I’ve ever really loved someone with the kind of love Jesus has loved me with and if I have I know that it has been a family member or a best friend, certainly not a mere acquaintance and certainly not a stranger.
Church is nice and I am glad we have it, but it has become the face of religion. I find something wrong with that. Our faith and our experiences with God measure our Spiritual connection. According to the Bible, religion is serving those that are in need of love and giving them a kind of love that penetrates the deepest void in their hearts’. Religion today has become mostly a show, with some good sermons and some nice music thrown in. Once in awhile I see some churches having outreach that happens twice a month, or if we’re lucky, once a week. Something is wrong brothers and sisters and fellow blog readers. The first step in the Great Commission, the primary aspect of evangelism is to make disciples. The only way we can make disciples is if we show people Christ’s love and the only way we can show that love is to witness it, taste it, and experience it. Prophecy is interesting, but it just scratches the surface. Evangelistic campaigns are nice, but our ‘teaching’ becomes more about proving our rightness. It is in serving, in loving the unlovable, in quenching the void in people’s hearts that true religion lays.
Jesus told us that we are His body—that we are His hands and feet—but He never said we were to be His mouth. Why then, is that our favorite part to play? What would happen if Christians started acting more as disciples than believers and more as lovers than teachers? I think Christ would be seen much clearer in this world and we would have a lot less nut-jobs running around. I want to see love spilling from the pores of those marked with the blood of Christ. I borrow the words of my good friend Paul in saying that I have not that I have attained all this brothers and sisters, but I press on, that I may lay hold of the love Christ has for me and share it with every living soul I come into contact with, that this world marked with suffering and darkness can see an illuminating spirit of love that has the power to brighten the hopes of all.
Burnie was right when He said that Christianity is the most difficult religion. I would pick an easier one, but I love this love that I am shown and I want to live in it and share it with the world however difficult this task may be. Burnie also said something else intriguing in his sermon this morning and I will leave you with this thought and retire my rants for the night:
When someone asks you, “What is your religion?” don’t respond with a word.
May the love of Christ consume your entire being for the days to come.
Reach for the Moon!
2-19-2010
My mind needs a break. I have found out that I am a compulsive planner to the point where it plagues me like a severe addiction. I like to plan, especially the details. I want to write, but I feel as though I have drowned my creativity in compulsivity. I think Jesus laughs at me a lot of the time. Like seriously laughs as He watches me try to plan things that are far beyond my control and so out of reach. He laughs not out of mockery and insult, but rather at the comical situation of a human trying to be God. It is so impossible that the attempt is just funny. It’s like a 5 year old telling you he can reach the moon and extending his arm towards the sky. As you watched the little boy stretching his arm out and grunting from failed efforts you would probably let out a little chuckle as you try to tell him that he may not be able to physically reach the moon. Jesus is trying to put my arms down and tell me it’s ok and that I can dream big, but I don’t need to physically touch the moon right now. He is trying to remind me that I only need to love people in the present moment and He will take care of the big picture stuff.
It’s Sabbath and I should be in my Hiding Place spending time with God, but I’m struggling. Friday club was good, we talked about the truth. It got very philosophical and I felt bad for my students as they tried to not only think deeply, but think deeply in English rather than their native tongue.
Since my brain is lost in the next few years of my complicated young adult life, I will keep my words brief tonight and try to get where I should be. Life is good, God is good. Let’s all try to live more in the here and now, genuinely and intensely loving those nearest us. Let’s all try to get our minds out of the future, away from the past, and reunited with our present and physical bodies. Jesus said not worry; He said that God is big enough to handle the big picture. I’m going to go try and convert the beautiful words of Matthew 6 into reality. Care to join me?
My mind needs a break. I have found out that I am a compulsive planner to the point where it plagues me like a severe addiction. I like to plan, especially the details. I want to write, but I feel as though I have drowned my creativity in compulsivity. I think Jesus laughs at me a lot of the time. Like seriously laughs as He watches me try to plan things that are far beyond my control and so out of reach. He laughs not out of mockery and insult, but rather at the comical situation of a human trying to be God. It is so impossible that the attempt is just funny. It’s like a 5 year old telling you he can reach the moon and extending his arm towards the sky. As you watched the little boy stretching his arm out and grunting from failed efforts you would probably let out a little chuckle as you try to tell him that he may not be able to physically reach the moon. Jesus is trying to put my arms down and tell me it’s ok and that I can dream big, but I don’t need to physically touch the moon right now. He is trying to remind me that I only need to love people in the present moment and He will take care of the big picture stuff.
It’s Sabbath and I should be in my Hiding Place spending time with God, but I’m struggling. Friday club was good, we talked about the truth. It got very philosophical and I felt bad for my students as they tried to not only think deeply, but think deeply in English rather than their native tongue.
Since my brain is lost in the next few years of my complicated young adult life, I will keep my words brief tonight and try to get where I should be. Life is good, God is good. Let’s all try to live more in the here and now, genuinely and intensely loving those nearest us. Let’s all try to get our minds out of the future, away from the past, and reunited with our present and physical bodies. Jesus said not worry; He said that God is big enough to handle the big picture. I’m going to go try and convert the beautiful words of Matthew 6 into reality. Care to join me?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Above Freezing
2-18-2010
I think humans are a lot like water. We tend to flow through much of life and adapt to new situations quite well. Sometimes we are as stubborn as a solid wall of ice and other times we are as clueless and unbound as sweltering vapor. The beautiful thing about humans is that they never remain in one form. If you throw us into a torrid situation we boil, and if we get tossed into frigid circumstances we freeze up, anything in between we are just going with the unstoppable flow of life. If only humans were as predictable as water; we cannot determine the exact “temperatures” at which humans will change form because every person is different. I say this because I have been reflecting on my life and the different situations I’ve gone through. I have been noticing myself materializing to the situations around me and I am trying to be conscience of the quick passing of any form. I like to change my mind; I like to shake things up a bit; I am not ok with static. I also say this because today was the first day in a couple weeks that it has gotten above freezing. It constantly sounds like it’s raining and you have to be careful where you walk because the roofs are dripping and puddles are forming. All the snow has turned to slush and the slush has turned to mud. I think I might want the cold weather back.
Today was a day. I just took my basic form and went with the flow. I woke up late and battled a sore throat, but I think I have successfully fought it off. Today was my busy day with no break from 4-9pm. It is these days when I feel energized. I need pressure in order to do good work. I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with my kids today. We played a game where I laid out pictures of animals and they had to point to the correct animal as I called it out. Whoever got it first would get a point on the board. Then instead of animals I widened the game to include colors (they have to run around the room and find something with the specific color I call out) and body parts. They are making so much progress and I enjoy getting to play around with them.
One of my favorite parts about teaching here is the chances I get to sit down with the local people and drink in their culture. I get to talk with both native Kazakhs and migrant Russians who both know and respect each other’s traditions. I’ve been learning about weddings, the male dominancy of Kazakhs, the craziness of Russians, and the deep roots that run within us all. Culture is a complex code that runs through every person’s veins. It determines how we interpret everything we come into contact with and it continues to fascinate me, especially when I spend time with the locals. I had fun in video class today poking fun of the old 80’s films we watch and discuss. It was a good day, but I’m glad this week is at a close. I need to get out of the city this weekend.
I think humans are a lot like water. We tend to flow through much of life and adapt to new situations quite well. Sometimes we are as stubborn as a solid wall of ice and other times we are as clueless and unbound as sweltering vapor. The beautiful thing about humans is that they never remain in one form. If you throw us into a torrid situation we boil, and if we get tossed into frigid circumstances we freeze up, anything in between we are just going with the unstoppable flow of life. If only humans were as predictable as water; we cannot determine the exact “temperatures” at which humans will change form because every person is different. I say this because I have been reflecting on my life and the different situations I’ve gone through. I have been noticing myself materializing to the situations around me and I am trying to be conscience of the quick passing of any form. I like to change my mind; I like to shake things up a bit; I am not ok with static. I also say this because today was the first day in a couple weeks that it has gotten above freezing. It constantly sounds like it’s raining and you have to be careful where you walk because the roofs are dripping and puddles are forming. All the snow has turned to slush and the slush has turned to mud. I think I might want the cold weather back.
Today was a day. I just took my basic form and went with the flow. I woke up late and battled a sore throat, but I think I have successfully fought it off. Today was my busy day with no break from 4-9pm. It is these days when I feel energized. I need pressure in order to do good work. I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with my kids today. We played a game where I laid out pictures of animals and they had to point to the correct animal as I called it out. Whoever got it first would get a point on the board. Then instead of animals I widened the game to include colors (they have to run around the room and find something with the specific color I call out) and body parts. They are making so much progress and I enjoy getting to play around with them.
One of my favorite parts about teaching here is the chances I get to sit down with the local people and drink in their culture. I get to talk with both native Kazakhs and migrant Russians who both know and respect each other’s traditions. I’ve been learning about weddings, the male dominancy of Kazakhs, the craziness of Russians, and the deep roots that run within us all. Culture is a complex code that runs through every person’s veins. It determines how we interpret everything we come into contact with and it continues to fascinate me, especially when I spend time with the locals. I had fun in video class today poking fun of the old 80’s films we watch and discuss. It was a good day, but I’m glad this week is at a close. I need to get out of the city this weekend.
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