Diving In and Looking Back

 2-11-2010

Today went by really quick. Seeing that I didn’t get out of bed until after noon, the day was short. We went to the center an hour early for private tutees. I had mine yesterday so that means that I had an hour to prepare. I loved teaching today, I felt like a real teacher. My level 3 has many new students and a new book and we had a great time talking about two-word verb synonyms (get back, go in, take off) and I never even opened the text book. Then video class was actually fun for the first time. We enjoyed making fun of the 80’s scenes and horrible actors that these ESL videos had. I love teaching and I love my students, most days. Because there was no suffering, no pain, no fear I have nothing really to write about. Today was a pretty normal day and a pretty normal end of the teaching week. I use the word ‘normal’ lightly seeing that I am an English teacher in Kazakhstan.

Instead of keeping it short today I want to share something I wrote when I first got on the plane to head here to Kazakhstan. It’s a made-up anecdote that I was imagining as I was waiting for the plane to take off. I know God orchestrated it, but it was my own imagination set loose. It was not a “vision” just a scene I was imagining that I decided to dramatize in words. I forgot about it with all the nerves and fear of arriving, but I found it today and it was a nice reminder of what I am doing here and where I was before I left, a nice reminder of how I dove into this adventure with love itself:

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1-13-2010

As the 4 massive jet engines of our airbus began to grumble and whir, preparing to catapult us 36,000 feet in the air, I closed my eyes and met with my Savior. I admitted to Him that I had no idea what I was getting myself into or what to expect. I admitted that my Spiritual life had completely flat lined and that I had no idea what I was doing entering the mission field. Suddenly, my mind took me to a field and my feet were rapidly moving beneath me. As the engines howled louder and louder the faster I was running through this field. Running next to me was my best friend—Jesus. He was running as fast as I was and laughing like He was having the time of His life. He began to yell, “Don’t worry about having no expectations and feeling powerless. Don’t worry about how much you feel connected to me. You are mind, you’re in my arms and I love you. Where you’re at right now—its right where I want you. You without any preconceived notions, in your lost and confused state of mind, it is now that I can use you. Now that you feel you know nothing, I can reveal myself to you without your silly human thoughts getting in the way. Now that you feel lost and powerless I can show you just how powerful I am.” Suddenly the field ran out beneath our feet and Jesus and I were falling from this cliff and the ground was getting closer in front of us. I smiled and shouted, “Jesus, I love you!” He looked at me with proud eyes that erupted with love and said, “I love you.” We both plummeted to the ground beneath us. It was then that I realized the plane was in the air and that my adventures with love itself had begun. I was running, I dove, now I’m free falling ready to hit the ground as long as Jesus is falling alongside me with that sweet smile ready to take down my preconceived notions and put up His true form—the form of love—the form of God.